I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize