not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
