it hurts more in the daytime
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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