does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize