the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
