I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
