I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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