I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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