You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
