I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize