omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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