It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize