eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
