new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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