he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
