im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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