Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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