Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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