The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
