So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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