so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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