if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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