Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
