Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
