Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Say something about gay babies.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
