i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
