No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
