I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
