I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
