help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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