awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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