I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
