umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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