I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
