just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You smell like stripper and shame
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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