dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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