You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
