Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
