I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
