I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
