WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize