you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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