my vag is so smooth its legendary
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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