some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
