i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
