When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
