is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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