The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
