i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
