We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
