You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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