you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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