i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Randomize
