Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
