I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
