I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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