haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I've blown a few things in my day
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
