My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
