This is not my ceiling
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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