I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
