I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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