I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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