I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
