that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
