he shaved USA in his pubs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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