I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
