i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
