We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
