i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
