I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I smell like Dick and happiness
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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