My balls are so social today.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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