how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
