Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
