the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
