ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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