I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
