life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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