her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
