I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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