I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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