I got chris browned last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
