I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize