Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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