Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
