bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize