The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i drank out of a bidet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
don't judge my taste in strippers
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
