I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
