nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
