just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
