He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
