my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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