Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize