At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
