I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
