I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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